ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
