I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
