Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
