I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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