After last night, I could never be a politician.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
