How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize