i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
