forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
