Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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