Moan for me like Helen Keller
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
