she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize