I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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