i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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