my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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