her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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