i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
