My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
