things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
