I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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