false alarm. still invincible.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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