R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
