Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
