He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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