I wish I could punch you in the face.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
