I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
