I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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