what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
