Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
