who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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