We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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