There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
