He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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