we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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