whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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