No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
