My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
