no, he came in my armpit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
