My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
