I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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