This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
