Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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