he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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