her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
