i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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