do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
