ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize