3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
