There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will pee on everything he values.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
