Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
