I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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