the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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