She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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