He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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