Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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