so explain again why im purple
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.