Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year