Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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