After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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