I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i've created a new STD.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
