Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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