Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
