your parents love me but you hate me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need a beard to bite.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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