WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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