i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
