i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
