A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I only lived at night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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