Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
