Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
