I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
