apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
