Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
