You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
