Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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