3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
