he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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