i would punch a child for taco bell
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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